Generations

When we were children, my brother and I mattered so little that I decided to never have children of my own. My old man seemed to care so little that the most fun we'd get out of him was when he tolerated us watching him play video games. That is until stuff no longer went his way and he got angry at the game and started throwing controllers around.

For my 9th birthday I didn't want any presents, I didn't want a fancy celebration or anything, I just wanted to spend an entire day with my dad. So we went to the park, threw a frisbee around for a bit, he took a couple photographs, we looked at the exotic animals there (they had some fish tanks and reptiles and stuff) and that was pretty much it. It was a good birthday, though I can't seem to remember any other occasion where we had done anything remotely like that.

My uncle assures me that our father loved us more than anyone will ever know or understand and that he simply didn't know how to show it. So I'm adding that there to avoid sounding completely unfair. But let's just say that I had decided for myself that I have never learned what a good father is and that I didn't want my own kids to be miserable like that, someday. So no kids for me.

My no-kid is turning 12 this year. Long story. And for the most part, I was as shitty a father to him as my old man was to me. He wasn't exactly planned, we didn't get to talk much when I left the country and... like I said, long story. And when you have children, absolutely everybody you know, especially friends and relatives without children of their own, will tell you what you should do, what you're doing wrong, how you're not trying hard enough... fun times. The fun stuff I could tell you! But in spite of all the horrible, horrible things everyone had foreseen about us, we're perfectly cool with each other.
He emailed me about Mario 64 today. "L is real 2401". I remember playing that for the first time when I was in middle school and they had an N64 at a shop near school. Now he's my age and he's getting freaked by the exact same easter egg.

We're emailing back and forth talking about fun new hacks and modifications we're applying to Smash Bros., Mario 64, that kind of thing. And again, lots of people, especially those without children, tell me how "all those videogames are bad for him". It's not good for a kid to spend so much time in front of a computer, it's not good for them to spend more time playing games rather than hanging outside to do sports, yada, yada, yada.
He's 11 year old and writes his own ROM hacks. He doesn't just sit on his ass and plays games all day. He is figuring out how they work, what makes them function, what's happening behind all those fancy pixels and polygons. He's manipulating them.

So no, the fact that he spends a certain amount of hours per day altering and manipulating videogames is not fucking bad for him and you'd be a fucking idiot for telling him to stop and forcing him into a football team or some other crap he couldn't possibly give two shits about. My parents did that and what a fucking great idea that was! I'm still awful enough at football to join the English national team and I had lost endless amounts of time I could have spent figuring out how to create my own games. I have created a few games here and there many years ago, but in the end my knowledge was really just enough for me to become a games critic. Which is good, I'm not gonna knock it, but come on, fucking game design is where it's at! I'm still hoping to become well-known and popular enough in this lifetime to write and voice-act a character for at least one decent RPG at some point.

My kid is crazy about this stuff, he's talented and he should receive nothing but absolute support with this. Anyhow. Enough daddy-talk. I'm not dad-material, I can't quite process how I've become his role-model of all people and it feels so unreal talking to him about all those games, hacks, edits, easter eggs, the whole thing. I've done the exact same stuff when I was his age and I didn't really have anyone to talk to about these things, because people either didn't understand it or they thought it was weird. I want him to know that he's doing something really amazing and that he should keep it up, get into game design, do what he loves and make it his job, someday. That's how you win at life. And I don't mean to come across like one of those parents who live their dreams through their children. That's not it at all. But when I finished school I just sat there and had no idea who I was, what I wanted to be and my parents didn't know me or give a shit about any of my talents, so I had spent the next decade wasting my life in a call centre, various internships, a wholesale job training and god knows what else. I don't want the same shit happening to him.

In other news, I have just finished reviewing my fiscal year for Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs and... holy shit! During the first year of my self-eployment, my yearly income was less than what anyone with a good job would make in a month. I've looked through all my files and things got a little better every year. The other day I wrote about how we suddenly had much more money in the bank than we thought we'd have. Now I've checked how we fared this year and... wow. I don't think we'll be receiving working tax credit for much longer and I'm okay with that. Heck, if it wasn't for the state's support, then I never could have started my own business to begin with.

When I tried to become self-employed in Germany, they had me talk to a bunch of "experts", who would judge whether or not I'm even capable of being my own boss. And when I told them how little I'd earn during the first year, they freed me from taxes, but that's about all the help I got. When I moved to the UK, they paid me working tax credit. Basically, when you work full-time and you don't earn a certain minimum amount of money, the state will help you out a bit, which is insanely helpful. I mean, I just moved there from Germany, I had never worked in the UK for a single day, I never paid any taxes over there, I've never been a useful member of their society and they threw money at me. Thanks to working tax credit I now have my own business, a good job, things are getting better and better every year and I'm about to reach a point where I don't just earn enough to stop receiving tax credits, but I'll probably have to pay income tax. And I'm okay with that. How fucking cool is it that this country would support me and my shitty little business and help me get it off the ground? I didn't get that kind of help in Germany.

-Cat