Explosion-Insurance

Just about a month ago, I was a really happy camper.

Me: "I'll be perfectly happy if things can just stay the way they are for a little while."
My dad: *dies*
My computer: *explodes*
Great.

It's been several weeks now and I still don't know how to cope properly. Or how to "deal" with it. I don't know how to feel about the whole thing. Germany won the football world cup. And I can't talk about it with my dad. That's one of the few things we probably would have talked about. Divinity: Original Sin is a fantastic RPG, which combines elements from classics such as Baldur's Gate or Ultima VII and turns them into this amazing old-school game, which feels strangely fresh and modern at the same time. Everybody loves it, it's getting killer review scores and I'd love to hear what my dad thinks of that one. And I can't. Stupid.
Is that how you do it? Is that how you miss somebody properly? I cried like it was the worst moment in my life when my cat died. Actually, it still is one of the saddest moments I can remember. My old man... I dunno. Still doesn't seem real. It was incredibly difficult when we were out with Claire's family the other day, seeing as I'll never be out with my parents or grandparents again and the whole thing got a little too depressing, but it doesn't feel like I'm processing the whole thing right. I'm not processing anything. Maybe it's because I wasn't really expecting him to ever show up over here and I kind of just accepted the fact that I'd probably never see him again, anyway. I don't know. Is that how little I care about him? I don't know how I feel and I'm not sure I wanna dig and find out.

Also, my PC went out with a massive bang, so I had to replace the PSU. I know, what else is new, right? Went for a Corsair one this time, no Chinese knock-off. You get what you pay for. That's also when we realized that our financial situation had improved a whole lot. Ninja-style, without us actually noticing. During the first two or so year of our self-employment a successful month meant being able to pay the rent AND afford food that doesn't come out of a can. And we had plenty of months, where at least one of those criteria could not be met. And you adapt after a while. We only subscribe to a single MMO at a time, if any. We don't go out more than maybe once a month, if at all. We don't drink, smoke, go to the movies or hang out in clubs, go on vacation or spend money on anything that isn't food, bills or replacement hardware for something that blew up.

I have some friends, who believe we throw out unreasonable amounts of money on our exotic pet collection, but that doesn't actually cost us anything. You can eat a lot of steak if you own the cow factory. Of course our reptiles raise the power bills a lot, but that's about it and it's a hobby we're willing to pay for. Again - other people go out clubbing, drinking, watching movies, we keep a bunch of snakes and lizards. You get the idea.

We don't even wear clothes - just weapons.

So, the pixel-wide silver lining around our collection of shit-flavoured clouds was when we could actually cover all those expenses. I could afford a flight to the funeral, could afford the fucking funeral itself and when we checked the bank accounts to see whether or not we could replace my broken PSU, there was a nice moment of "how the fuck is there still money in here?"

I'm working full-time, every single day of the week, every weekend, never a day off, never a break. The publisher just started giving me more and more work and I was okay with it, because more work means more money. And then we just continued doing what we usually do. Stay at home, avoid wasting money, subscribe to 0-1 MMOs, lead humble little lives. At 3-4 times the income we're used to. We totally could have upgraded our computers. Or bought a massive LED-TV. Looks like we didn't even notice. Good!

It's gonna take a little while to refill our rainy day fund and we're gonna have to start putting more to the side for taxes, possible future explosions and funerals, but for the first time since we've started living together, we're not just able to afford our modest little way of life here. We're making extra - and lots of it. Putting that on the side sounds boring and mature and absolutely not like me. I should get a super powerful PC or a 60 inch telly to act as my new computer monitor and maybe a motorcycle, but when I really think about it, I don't even want any of that stuff. I just wanna keep doing my job, play my games, order the occasional pizza and hang around with Claire and our pets. I might not be overly ambitious, but I already have everything I want.

In other news, I gave TESO another try. It's... okay. I hated the game when it took support well over a month to restore my account after I got hacked. When I couldn't complete a ton of quests, because they were broken. And when level-ups slowed down to a pathetic crawl at the veteran ranks. I needed a break from it and I'm cool with TESO now, for the most part.

"Yeah, that looks safe! We should totally go check it out!"

Ironically, aside from the Quakecon announcements about the future of TESO, the two things which made me give it a second chance were World of Warcraft and Camelot Unchained. Confusing, I know.

As part of my job I have to check on WoW patch notes now and then, so I'm aware of the many class changes they're implementing with Warlords of Draenor. And as an arena veteran, I'm actually genuinely excited about some of these changes and I'll admit that part of me wants to play Warlords just for the arena. There are countless reasons why I don't ever want to go back to WoW, but I miss playing the arena with Claire and her sister. Happy days, we were a good team and I think we could make it really far if we cared enough and practiced a lot. Oh well.

Then there's Cameltoe Unchained, which promises that even a lowbie character can beat a veteran character one on one, if the lowbie player is talented enough. They promise large-scale pvp battles, destruction, mayhem and all that cool shit everyone wants to see in good pvp. Supposedly lag-free and at decent frame-rates, as well. And I'm so in the mood for that!

The thing is, whether you love or hate TESO, the game offers pretty much the best pvp you'll find in any MMO out there. You get the large-scale siege battles, huge fights at decent performance and the odd one on one situation, where you can kick another player's ass when you're good enough. That's what I came back for and I have to say, I still genuinely enjoy the pvp on there.
I joined a large zerg on there, helped capture several keeps and mow down hordes of enemy soldiers and at some point I got seperated from the group, got ambushed by some dumbass vampire player (I so hate vampires!), we fought it out, I kicked his ass and I was happy.

There are lots of players on TESO, who are a bit shit at what they do. I see public dungeons, where some players just sit and wait for somebody else to walk by and attack an enemy, because they're afraid to fight stuff on their own. I see people who die to harmless, regular baddies, because they don't really do much besides mashing the left mouse button. And I'm pretty good at TESO. I earn thousands telling people how to play. I write guides for money.
And honestly, running into some other player in pvp and being able to take them down because there is no cookie-cutter build, no alleged "rock-paper-scissors" system, where your class isn't supposed to beat certain other classes and where a fully maxed-out character can't just put on a ton of ridiculously overpowered gear and one-shot me regardless of personal skill or playstyle... it's pretty fucking great. Of course I can't jump in there on a level 20 toon and take on some guy on his maxed-out veteran character. But I haven't touched the game for three months, I've only just dipped into the low veteran ranks and beating that high level veteran vampire guy felt awesome. In most other MMOs that guy would have killed me in one or two hits because he was three times my veteran rank. Because levels. Because gear. Because some other stupid gameplay shit that makes items and levels infinitely more important than actual skill.

Veteran pve is still a bit... meh, really. They lowered the difficulty, because lots of people kept dying on the veteran levels and now you can just waltz into half a dozen enemies and slaughter them. On the plus side, you'll now level a lot faster, because stuff is easier to kill, you don't die to anything, everyone is happy. Well, except for those who enjoyed a challenge, but they can always do stupid shit like 12 player challenges in Craglorne, which are hysterically difficult and therefore being avoided by most people. Yay.

I think I'm gonna be playing this mostly for the pvp, because it's awesome and they'll add account-wide champion levels, which will basically work like paragon levels on Diablo 3. You know, just play any way you want and unlock a ton of passive bonuses to upgrade your character any way you want. I'm looking forward to that. Now if the game could stop stuttering, lagging and freezing for some inexplicable reason, then I might just make my peace with it and not feel tempted by Warlords of Draenor or Camelot Unchained...

-Cat