Antisocially Awkward

One thing I hate about renting a place, aside from having to pay rent and being stuck with asshole neighbours, who pay just as much rent as you do, is how they check on your place every year or so to make sure you don't shit on the carpet and invite families of gypsies to live with you or something. There's an inspection happening here in a few hours, first one in well over two years and I hate that shit. Our house had just finished decorating itself with assorted spiders and an absolutely marvelous collection of webs.

I used to hate spiders. I couldn't look at them, let alone touch them, had a bit of a phobia, thanks to some traumatic childhood moments. But our house is constantly getting invaded by the little fuckers and I suppose they have to live somewhere, right? I mean, if it's rainy outside and they're cutting down all the trees in our garden, where are they supposed to go? That's a bit of a stupid argument, I suppose, but we still ended up tolerating them after a while. The result being that we had at least three of them in every corner of every room, but we had no more mosquitoes, no moths, not much of anything that wasn't a spider.

The other day I was taking a bath (yes, that time of the year again) and I saw a spider in the corner of our bathroom, which had caught something in its web and started rotating its prey and webbing it up and it was all very fascinating. When they get too close to my computer or too close to my pillow at night or some other spot where I don't want them, it's usually enough to poke them and they get scared shitless and run off. I actually got the idea from some animated .gif, though I'm glad we don't usually get anything the size of that monster.

But today I had to get rid of all the spider webs and all my favourite garbage and old cardboard boxes and stains on the walls and doors and floors and we had to clean aaaaaall the things, because stupid inspection day. I know they don't come here to make sure we're neat and tidy, but it's always good to pretend we don't treat this place like a dump.

And then that guy will walk through every single room, stare at the ceiling as though there was something interesting going on up there, he'll take notes on his stupid little clipboard and not tell us what he's writing on there and then he'll tell us we need to paint a wall or put up some wallpaper or fix some shit that had been broken before we even moved in here. It's a fucking invasion of privacy and I don't like it. I don't like people in my bedroom. Or my bathroom. Or anywhere, really.

Aaaaand we may not have told the landlord about our new dog.

Him.

They were okay with our snake, the little lizards and the cats. But a giant monitor lizard might be pushing it a bit. I don't know. I honestly don't know what to expect. The thing is, Hugo doesn't make any noise. Okay, he can cough like an old man, especially when he's asleep and dreams up weird shit. I'm not making this up, he twitches and moves and makes weird noises in his sleep. But he doesn't bark or howl or make a mess or do much of anything, really. He produces no noise or odors. If you hate animals, he's the best kind of pet your neighbours could have. There's just the small problem that the inspection guy might not see a peaceful monitor lizard but a terrifying small dinosaur and that could cause drama.

Then again, we've lived here for well over four years, never caused any trouble (unlike all the other fuckers who live in this house), we're always on time with the rent (again, unlike certain other parties around here), so surely we've scored a brownie point there or two, right?

Still, I'm gonna have to be awake much earlier than I want to, some guy is gonna judge our home and the way we live and there's a small chance for drama involving my favourite pet, so... yeah, not looking forward to that.

On a happier note, I had the chance to record some warframe pet action footage, which has instantly scored a dislike for some inexplicable reason (seriously, if my videos are so shit, at least tell me why, so I can improve them!) and now I can't play, because Warframe is getting hit by constant DDOS attacks, which seem to be related to some stupid clan-related bullcrap on there and lots of people hating each other. I hate online games. Can we please go back to offline titles with optional multiplayer, where I can only invite my friends and loved ones and ignore everybody else? That'd be great.

-Cat