TESO, UltraHD and all things Tamriel

Screenshot wot I done for the preview. I'll be so thrilled if I end up finding it all over the web! 

Fuck me, I really, seriously wanted to hate The Elder Scrolls Online. I was fully expecting yet another crappy MMO with absolutely nothing new or interesting in it, which would still sell because of the slapped-on Elder Scrolls license. You know, a bit like SWTOR, which isn't horrible by any stretch of the imagination, but at the end of the day, it's mostly WoW with lightsabres. The Star Wars license didn't do much to help this game. And Star Wars has this really huge fan base. The Elder Scrolls... well, probably, but Tamriel alone can't possibly be as powerful a franchise as a certain galaxy far, far away, right?

Now, before you rush to the comments section and remind me of the NDA: I've written an official preview, my name is out there, it's all legit and the good folks at Bethesda know. So if you understand German or you're one of those weirdos, who honestly believe that Google translate does an accurate job, feel free to read the whole thing and behold all my glorious screenshots. If you can't be bothered, let me just say that I've actually quite enjoyed playing the Beta and I'm going to preorder two copies.

"But didn't you just say you were expecting it to be shit?" I pretend to hear you ask. Well... I was. I didn't wanna touch it. When they asked me to preview it, I flat-out refused, told them I don't want any other players to mess up my game experience and all the other stuff you've probably heard countless other people say. Because really, most of us wouldn't mind a multiplayer mode for their Elder Scrolls experience, but an MMO? Nah!

And no matter how much I like this game, I can't help but feel they're only going the MMO route to cash in on monthly subscription fees, ridiculously overpriced special editions and the stupid Imperials, which you may only play if you buy said ridiculously overpriced special edition to begin with. That's just plain evil. TESO goes out of its way to look and feel like a singleplayer RPG. Every quest changes the world around you through the magic of phasing. Players don't have floaty names above their heads and they blend in with the NPCs so well, you can't even tell them apart most of the time. They use crafting facilities, rummage through their backpacks when the respective player opens their inventory, they quasi-RP without even knowing.

And for what? So we can have some kind of end-game at the level cap, go on raids or play the dreadfully dull, highly derivative WvW... er... RvR in Cyrodiil? It looks exactly like Guild Wars 2, basic gameplay is practically identical and I never asked for any of this to enhance my Elder Scrolls experience, thank you very much.
On the plus side, I can ignore all of that shit and just enjoy the amazing game world. And that's what completely changed my mind about this game and made me preorder it.

I was expecting Elder Scrolls Light. Some crappy Elder Scrolls for kids. Then I've been to Morrowind. Spent some time in Nord territory. Met a Khajiit farmer and his pet tigers, who were all high on moon sugar. It all drew me in. It was subtle at first. The game was more fun than I expected, but I didn't really know why. Because the world made sense, it was believable and it was so good, it just worked without me noticing it. I've not experienced characters, races, lore and culture so interesting since World of Warcraft.

And before you start bitching at me for bringing up WoW, because it's for noobs, has dated, cartoony visuals and pandas and pokemon and shit, let me ask you something: Remember how Cairne Bloodhoof died? How it made you feel? Of course you fucking do! And whether or not you killed the Lich King back in the day - you've followed his damn story. You know about Thrall, about Illidan, you've checked out the video that introduced the Horde's new warchief, whether you're still playing or not. And we're all going to watch the Warcraft movie with our grandchildren someday. Because we fucking care. I haven't touched the game since Cataclysm, I'm not coming back, but if I've ever cared for an MMO's fictional world and its heroes and villains, it has to be Azeroth. Now imagine ArenaNet decided to kill off Rytlock Brimstone. Would you give a fuck? Exactly.

Don't get me wrong, GW2 has some fun, lovable, freaky races and characters, but they're all very one-dimensional. Walking clichés of themselves. The Asura are brilliant, arrogant fucks and accidents not just waiting to happen, but happening all the goddam time. Sylvari are made of broccoli and they kinda like boning each other across all genders. You can sum up every single race in just a few key notes. How about a drunk, whore-mongering Asura hero for a change? Or a scaredy Charr, who wants to be an opera singer and hates to fight? But nooo, they're all the same. The one really fun character is Tybalt Leftpaw. Shame he dies somewhere halfway into the story, if you meet him at all.

When I played TESO, tamriel drew me in. It was so immersive, the inhabitants so believable and lovable, I'd love to babble on and on about the Argonians treating their guar (little pack dinos) like family and respecting the harsh, creepy nature of Morrowind. About that creepy orc lady and her red toad Bloodthirster, who helped me win a frog racing contest. About how all the different places around the game world come with their own unique achitecture for towns, outposts and dungeons and their own unique animals and plants.

I still don't need the whole MMO part. And I doubt that any big MMO fan, who doesn't give two shits about Tamriel and its lore, will absolutely have to play TESO. The quirky interface, missing features such as the mini-map and the complete lack of any groundbreaking new gameplay - I don't think it's gonna blow anyone away. That said, the game oozes quality, everything works as it should, some minor beta issues aside and I can't wait for its release now. Because I've spent hundreds of hours playing the entire series since Daggerfall. And I'm genuinely excited.

In other news, I've modded the shit out of Skyrim some more. Let's see how this blog compresses UltraHD screenshots with an original file size of 20 MByte and up. Enjoy. :P

-Cat