This entry might come across as arrogant or a huge brag. This is not my intention, but if internet comment sections have taught me one thing, it's that people don't give a crap about what you're trying to say - they'll blow up on everything they think you are saying. Obviously. "I don't see anything satirical here, you hate [insert game here] and you deserve to be fired."
Long story short, I'm not gonna announce this particular post on Facebook. If you're a regular reader and you're tripping upon this thing, good for you. But if I start linking this entry everywhere, it's only gonna look like I'm trying to show off. So what the fuck am I referring to, anyway? Well, I'm proud of what I do and I love my job. And the past few days have shown me that I must be doing something right.
You see, back when I was a kid, I would spend lots of time reading videogame magazines. Stuff about the old C64, but also the Gameboy, Master System, PC Engine, you get the idea. Of course I didn't really care about the dry, dead-serious reviews and articles. I just wanted to know what awesome new games were being released and I also liked reading funny reviews, which weren't all analytical and by the books. Video games are fun, so articles about them should be fun. Simple, right? And the guys who wrote those funny articles were my personal heroes. To me, they had the coolest job in the world. Play games all day, then write funny stories about it - what could be better?
I started writing silly little reviews long before it became my job. I was part of several online gaming communities and whenever I got my hands on a new game I would review it on the internet. Just for my friends, to show them what I think, as a fun thing to do, nothing serious. Meanwhile, gaming magazines around Germany have changed as gaming became ever more socially accepted and mainstream. They became serious. Not every single one of them, but the really funny ones started to disappear more and more.
When I got started on the job, there was a certain ruleset to every kind of article. Which is good and correct and provides important guidelines for inexperienced writers such as my past self. And if you've known me for a while, then you also know that the one thing I absolutely loathe is rules. Authority. I'm an arrogant fuck and when I believe I know better, I just start doing what I want. And that's exactly what happened as I started to get better at my job. Over the years I went from "Oh god, how can I possibly write two whole pages about this game?" to writing a dozen about something I've never actually played because it isn't ready yet. The latter is an extreme example, of course, and it's not something I particularly enjoy or end up doing a lot, but these things do happen.
When I was new to the whole thing, whenever I wrote an article, they'd send it back to me with lots of comments and questions. What do you mean by that? You can't say it like that. Awkward phrasing, please try again. You get the idea. You can't feel offended about all these pointers. You don't just start writing and immediately know everything, mistakes are inevitable and it's good to have experienced writers who point them out to you and explain how you could improve your work. If you're the kind of person who feels hurt or insulted by these things (and believe me, lots of people do), then this is probably not the right line of work for you.
I no longer get those pointers. Corrections today are more about adding or removing a paragraph to make it all fit on a magazine page. I've been doing this for a few years now and either you learn and improve or you're hopeless. I've reviewed small articles made by our interns. Nothing major, but I had to assign them tasks, review their work, give out pointers and corrections where necessary. It made me nervous, to say the least.
It's difficult to explain. I guess adding certain comments made me feel like a dick. "You can't say it like that. How about..." you know, I'm saying that what you're doing is wrong and I know better. Which, in all fairness, is probably right, but it's hard not to feel like a jerk about it. Or maybe I'm worried I might be perceived as one. Stupid asshole never likes my stuff and tells me to rewrite everything.
The situation has reversed in other ways, as well. I've made a bit of a name for myself. My best articles stick out like the balls on a bulldog, I have a bit of a fan base and... I'm feeling incredibly weird as I'm writing this, but some young writers feel inspired by me. Their words, not mine. You know how I mentioned I've always looked up to certain critics for their work, their style, how they were personal heroes of sorts? Yeah...
And yes, awesome as it may be, it's also a bit scary.
You see, I'm at a point where big articles about even bigger games don't intimidate me (as much), so I can stop screaming "OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!111#@" on the inside and focus on my writing. And I like to go a little crazy. Bend and break the rules a bit. I've started my preview on TESO by moaning about having to play it, calling the boss a sadist and talking about how much I don't care about the game. Over the next eight pages I'm describing how I played the game, what I hated, what I liked, I'm getting a bit filthy (I say boner and poop) and basically I'm doing the exact opposite of what you should do in a preview. My article was released along with previews from every other major magazine. The press embargo was lifted and everyone published their stuff at the same time.
Now, I'm not saying that I compared or anything, but my preview had more hits, comments, likes, facebook-recommendations, tweets and fuck knows what else, than all the other German previews out there. It's my best article to date and things can only go downhill from here, because I've raised expectations. Shit. But let's focus on the happy stuff for now. I'm getting so much to do, I shouldn't even be writing this, because I need to finish all this work. But it needs out, I gotta get it outta my system or I'll go insane. I'm getting a free Xbox One ("Sorry, we're fresh out of Playstations right now!"), so I can review console games. I'm being asked to write articles about TESO for magazines, which already had their own previews, but they want me to write more.
I'm a bit overwhelmed right now. I'm not sure I'll be as good as some seem to expect me to be. You see, I'm used to being the underdog. I get the god-awful Free2Play crap nobody else wants to write about. But this is big. I had to earn this. And I won't lie to you - it's scary as fuck. If I start overthinking this, I'll get nervous and I'll make stupid mistakes. This may well be the proverbial 15 minutes of fame, my moment in the spotlight and I'll fuck up and go back to being the underdog. Which is fine, don't get me wrong. I'll enjoy it while it lasts. Though I'll give it my best shot, of course.
Look, I know this is really just a job like every other job. I review games. And now I'm getting some bigger, more prestigious projects. Common procedure. You get more experienced, you get bigger tasks, that kinda thing. But it's all new and exciting to me. I love this job. I couldn't see myself doing anything else. This is a really big deal to me. It may or may not lead to something bigger - who knows? But for now, I'm at my peak. Biggest amount of work, money and recognition thus far. And it feels great. I'm not used to that. I used to have jobs that made me want to kill myself. And I'm not being sarcastic here. Life is good.
-Cat
Keine Kommentare:
Kommentar veröffentlichen