No tits for the Brits

Let me show you the kind of German tv commercials I grew up with:

Holy crap. Nipples. Big fucking deal, right? And since I just loooove bringing it up, they also show vaginal soap commercials where I'm from, during the day, when all the kids are up. And you can just about make out another nipple on that one. Go fight that nasty pussy odor! Rawr!

I'm having a conversation about David Beckham's penis with two (female) German friends on Facebook this very moment. Nothing insanely serious, in good spirits and all that, jokingly and with no one feeling offended. Well, except Beckham, perhaps, but he hasn't checked my FB status for a while now. ANYWAY...

My point is - where I'm from, nudity isn't a big deal. At all. I grew up with tits on the telly, my son is growing up with even more tits on the telly and insanely easy boob access on the internet. My parents were naked around me when I was a kid. Not all the time, of course. Or even in public. But they didn't usually lock the door before having a shower and nobody left the bathroom fully dressed, either.
And after swimming class in school, our gym teacher and all the boys would use the same showers together, fully naked, with nobody freaking out over it. I'm pretty sure there's some law against that nowadays.

The whole thing is really just as sexual, indecent or dirty as you make it. My stepsister would flash her tits at the dining table on a regular basis, in front of the whole family. "Look at the new piercings I got!" Chicken dinner and pierced, teenage nipples. Yum! And that's nothing compared to when she got her tattoos...

And, believe it or not, I didn't grow up to be some kind of sex-crazed pervert. Not any more than any other guy, anyway. I don't whip it out in public, I have a decent job and I'm in a happy, monogamous relationship. The occasional nipple on tv didn't completely corrupt me as a child. Though I really don't miss nude beaches. They may seem great when you imagine them, but seeing people of all shapes, sizes and ages naked really isn't fun.

So, why the fuck am I talking about all this?
You are probably aware of the Leveson Inquiry, which came up due to the utterly ridiculous phone "hacking" scandal. For as much as I'd love to bitch about how dialing some random celebrity's voicebox number has absolutely nothing to do with hacking, let's focus on something else for now: While they're already at it, they're also bitching about the Page 3 Girls, debating whether they should be removed altogether.

For the slightly less educated among you: We're talking about the topless girls in The Sun. They're not showing off any saucy bits, just boobs, nothing hardcore or over the top. But apparently offensive enough to start a discussion about their possible removal. And the arguments on both sides are so fucking unreal, it's downright hysterical. It has been in the news on the radio this morning.

"Imagine a father reading The Sun at the breakfast table, getting ready for work, dropping the paper and his seven year old son picks up the paper, flicks through it and gets stuck on page 3. 'Mommy, why is this lady not wearing any clothes'? How do you respond to that?" Riiight. Let me show you what kind of newspaper our fictional daddy is reading here:

 

Before he'd get anywhere near the titties, junior might be asking: "What's a bastard, mommy? Should I eat my hamster? Why did they shoot Grandfather Christmas in the head?"
Seriously now. Look at this shitty excuse for a "newspaper". It's all about exaggeration, it's full of rape, murder, crazy shit, it's as inflated as somehow possible, spectacular, flashy and colourful... it's entertainment. *coughs*

Come on now. What the fuck are we talking about here? It's 'news' presented by idiots, for idiots. It's full of blood, gore, football and - OF COURSE, DAMMIT! - tits. Why? Because the target audience is almost exclusively male.

Of course, the other side of the argument is in every way as ridiculous, stupid and insanely funny:

<<Dominic Mohan, editor of The Sun newspaper, has described topless page 3 girls as "good role models" who are "very healthy". Mohan went on to argue that all models were seen as ambassadors for The Sun brand and that far from being a sexist organisation, it was keen to promote campaigns on issues such as domestic violence.>>

What a fucking prick.
How the fuck does showing your tits to the general public make you a good role model in any way? And how the hell does this in any way promote "campaigns on domestic violence"? How do you come up with that kind of horseshit with a straight face?

Why can't people in England *ever* just talk about stuff exactly the way it is? We all know why there's a stack of these papers near your crapper and we all know what you do when you disappear with a page 3 girl for a minute or two. You're all a bunch of wankers and there's nothing wrong with it. Can we stop pretending it's the end of the world and can we stop acting like those bitches were empowering women in any way or even promoting women's rights or some crap? They show their tits for a bit of money, we ogle the tits, that's it. Jesus F. Christ.

If you want to act all high and mighty about how in the 21st century we shouldn't have "nudity" in our papers, at least go all the way and fight that whole fucking lame ass excuse of a newspaper. The whole thing is garbage and if you read that sort of thing in front of the family and leave it out for your kids to see, then a bunch of tits is probably the least of your problems. Though I can assure you that junior won't grow up any more or less fucked up because he has seen a nipple.

And if you love The Sun so much and enjoy the naked chicks in there, stop acting like you give a fuck about "natural beauty". They're tits. You don't care about the articles around or the face above the tits, you don't care whether those tits are real, hand-crafted by a skillful surgeon or photoshopped. And when you're done and the page 3 girl's expression suddenly becomes strangely judgemental and makes you feel guilty, she'll end up in the bin. There's gonna be a new one tomorrow.

People on this island seriously need to loosen up.

-Cat