Bloody Tetris, innit?

If you've managed to find this blog, then by now you'll already know they're turning Tetris into a movie. Because, as you are all aware, Tetris is hugely popular for its dramatic and moving plot, its lovable characters and its rich universe and deep, fascinating lore. And if this sounds like a load of horseshit to you, then you'll love how Henk Rogers of The Tetris Company said he can't wait to re-imagine the Tetris universe on the big screen and tell its epic sci-fi story.

So, what's next? Connect Four? Tic-Tac-Toe: The Movie? Man, I hope they'll make a Backgammon movie, so I'll finally understand how this stupid game works. I have a theory regarding the Tetris movie's plot - the "Tetris" will be some kind of alien species or killer robots or some shit, who gain their power through their symbiotic relationship with one another. That is, until the hero (a clever scientist, biologist, hacker or pizza delivery guy) has the crazy idea to connect the evil aliens in just the right way to disable them and make them go away. Wanna bet?

They'll probably make a lot of money just because people will watch it "for the lols" and because "A Tetris movie? How the fuck is that supposed to work? Let's have a look at this shit". Watch it ironically or whatever.
Speaking of reasons to avoid going to the cinema - they're chasing after everyone who pirated The Expendables 3. The movie had been leaked on the 'net before it was even out in cinemas and they're not just chasing after websites hosting torrents for this stuff, but everyone who downloaded and shared the respective files, as well.

Look, piracy is bad. I'm not for it. But it pisses me off when I read bullshit statements like: "If everyone who downloaded The Expendables 3 in the US alone had watched the film in cinemas instead of downloading it, it would have generated another 4 million dollars." Yes - and if all of them had watched the film twice, it would have generated a whopping 8 million, which is just as much of a stupid and pointless observation.

First of all - how can you possibly assume that absolutely everyone who downloaded the movie would have paid to watch it, had it not been leaked? That's bullshit. And while we're at it - how do you know that absolutely no one paid to watch the movie on the big screen prior to or after downloading it? Some people probably liked it and decided to go watch it in a movie theatre. Others might have downloaded it after watching it there, because they wanted to have it at home. You can't just go and pull some made-up statistic out of your ass, saying absolutely everyone who downloaded the film didn't also pay to watch it or absolutely, inevitably would have paid to watch it, had it not been for the leak.

The last time Claire and I went to the movies, we paid 30 Quid. 30 fucking Pounds for two damn movie tickets, a coke and some nachos. And we easily could have paid 50, had we opted for pointless, headache-inducing, nauseating 3D.
Dear Lionsgate - if more and more people are stealing your shit these days, could it be possible, if ever so remotely, that some folks simply can't afford going to the movies anymore? Or they're just a bit tired of getting ripped off like that? Again, piracy is bad, but having to choose between eating for an entire week and watching a stupid 2 hour movie with a loved one is a bit of a no-brainer. That doesn't make downloading stuff right, but I can understand why it's happening.
Of course, anyone running a movie theatre will tell you they have to make shit so ridiculously expensive, because nobody goes to the cinema anymore.

If you get caught downloading the Expendables 3 in Germany, they'll make you pay a fine of 800 Euros. That's roughly 100 times as much as watching the fucking thing at the cinema (minus snacks and 3D, obviously). Because hey, not only are you downloading that stuff through torrent sites, but you're also sharing your download with other potential pirates. Which are also getting fined 800 Euros each, so the reasoning behind this massively overblown fee is a bit fucked up. You're probably better off being a white South African celebrity, who happened to murder his girlfriend in cold blood.

I'm not even a huge Trekkie, I just love the gameplay.

I've cobbled together a kickass preview for the upcoming Star Trek Online expansion, Delta Rising. It's a nice little two-pager in buffed magazine, which comes with a kickass item code, which... well, I'd probably get in trouble for revealing it before you can order the next issue, so let's just say I would have killed to get these items for free when I started playing the game. It's great stuff and Perfect World were fucking awesome to let us have these codes. The devs at Cryptic took the time to answer all of my questions about the game and the new expansion and I really love my job when things go so well. They're a lot more fun to work with than most publishers' PR departments, which are usually run by Satan himself.

I'm amazed how certain publishers can just force magazines to only use footage and screenshots, created or approved by their own PR guys. Look, I get it - big companies pay magazines to feature and review their games. Which is fucked up, it's wrong and it simply should not happen that way, because you cannot possibly fucking tell me that you're writing fair, unbiased reviews if you're getting a lot of money prior to testing the fucking game - which you're also getting for free, alongside free lifetime membership codes, epic press preview events and other fun shit like that.

Of course that makes me a bit of a hypocrite, because the guys behind STO gave me item codes to offer to our readers. Difference being, I really like the game and I absolutely wanted to write that article, codes or not, because it's how I pay my bills. You know, testing or previewing games. They don't approach me waving goodies in my face like a vagina on a stick (you can't really lure me with carrots), telling me I can have it if I'm willing to write about their stuff. I approached them, because I'm hyped about the expansion and I really wanted to write about it. Most of all, I refuse to work with publishers, who tell me what screenshots to use or what I can or cannot say in an article. I did that once with a publisher that rhymes with Zquare-Penix and that was annoying enough to make me appreciate F2P-titles and their publishers a lot more.

Months late to the party, as usual.

In other news, I'm being a reverse hipster by playing Hearthstone long after it was cool. It's the most annoying, infuriating, frustrating, stupidly luck-based pile of shit of a game that I've ever been addicted to. Brutally stomp a bunch of players without losing any HP whatsoever one minute, get skullfucked one moment after. Add to that a bunch of fucking idiots, who need about five goddamn minutes to make a turn when all they have is 2 points of mana and a single card on their hands and this stupid game doesn't even deserve a spot on my hard drive.

But... I dunno, the music is pretty fucking awesome, I like clicking all those fun little objects at the edge of the screen and HOLY FUCKING SHIT when did it turn 5am? Yeah...

I'll be listening to this stuff long after my final ragequit.

The new Forza game on Xbox One is absolutely amazing and I must have it. Dragon Age: Inquisition is just around the corner. Originally, I was only hoping to clone myself so I could give myself a blowjob, but right now having the possibility would actually allow me to play (and fucking finish) all these awesome games. I've been working my new online job for about 3 whole months now and I could seriously use a break. Or just one day where I can sleep until I feel like I'm done. You know, as opposed to the alarm clock telling me I've had enough.

In other news, I've cooked for my woman and a mediocre picture can make the most amazing meal look shit.

You gotta work with me here - I know it doesn't look like much on these pictures, but look at the meat. It's brown and crispy on the outside and pink and oh so soft and tender on the inside. Resting on creamy sauce Bernaise with a bit of creme fraiche and white wine in it. I've fried some garlic and chili and added that to the sauce, we also had fresh mushrooms, asparagus and pasta. Also, coke in glass bottles, because FUCK YEAH, COKE IN GLASS BOTTLES!

-Cat