Saturday is just around the corner now and I can't sit still. I literally got up and paced around the living room in a circle before writing this very sentence. There, did it again! I'm such a fucking moron!
Gaming is my god damn job! I don't just review games, though. My specialty is bashing unbelievably shitty games and stupid people, who pre-order and pre-purchase games, which are doomed to fail within just a month or two. Somewhere, deep within the archives of this blog, I've posted an entry about the SWToR beta, saying that game was gonna fail harder than any other project this big and expensive. And not only did it turn out to be a commercial failure for EA, but it's going F2P not even a year after launch.
I'm getting paid to make fun of these things. And of the stupid people who fall for the hype. The last game I reviewed was so unbelievably shit, I said I'd much rather park my naked ass right on top of an open bottle of Tabasco than spend another minute with this thing. They're probably gonna censor me, but I get paid to be a dick, so I'm happy. You get the idea.
So, what's my fucking point? I'm trying to emphasize the fact that I, of all people, should be immune to the hype. Average Joe is stupid. Average Joe preferred VHS to Beta. So whenever the general public gets all excited about something, I tend to assume it's for no reason and people are just being stupid, as usual.
So why the fuck am I so crazy about Guild Wars 2? Excitement is always the first step on the dark path to disappointment. They've only shown us one dungeon, which was rather on the meh side of things. We've been shown nothing but low level content. The little feature clips and trailers are massively overselling every aspect of the game. I'm fully aware of all that, yet I'm about to fill up every spare inch of my fridge with energy drinks, I'll set an alarm for 4.30am on Saturday and I'll be mashing the login-button until I gain access or my fucking hand falls off! The only thing that could possibly stop me from doing so is death. I'm updating the client software on Claire's ancient laptop in case my PC suddenly blows up again. I'm not taking any chances here.
I could tell you about how I'm speccing my toon and why, which abilities I'm planning to get at which level, but I don't believe anyone seriously gives a fuck. But I've already pre-generated and saved my spec, wrote down a list of possible names, Claire and I have even worked out a to-do list of sorts, where I divide my time between world vs world pvp and adventuring alongside her. I think she is one of the reasons why I can't wait to get started.
We used to do everything together on WoW, from dungeons to the arena to cancelling our subs. And nothing has quite managed to fill that hole once we gave up on Azeroth. We both love Skyrim, but there's no possibility for us to team up on there. I like FFXIV, she rightfully hates that pile of shit. We tried Diablo 3. lol.
GW2 gives us a whole new world to explore, we can follow each other's personal storyline and quests, we can play the entire thing together. And yes, we may just plow through the whole thing in two weeks and get bored waiting for the first expansion, but that's where I'm hoping the pvp will keep us entertained.
I have tried all the playable races and looked at all the newbie zones. I've thoroughly enjoyed all of them (okay, Sylvari reeeally aren't my cup of tea, but I can appreciate the idea). I absolutely loved playing a ranger, I'm still a big fan of the warrior despite my criticism and I've enjoyed playing a guardian. I find the thief, engineer and necromancer highly interesting and the only reason I haven't touched them so far is because I'm having a hard enough time to focus on one main class as it is. I can't remember the last time this happened to me in a game. Newbie zones generally bore me to death, starting my adventure by collecting ten rat tails sucks huge amounts of ass, I generally go for that one race or class that annoys me the least, but for some fucked up reason GW2 just appeals to me the second I look at character creation.
How fucking cool are the norn? They're like shape-shifting vikings or oversized dwarves, guided by their animal spirits, the wolf, raven, snow leopard and bear. They get to assume their animal form no matter what class they are, because their racial ability isn't stupid useless crap like "be .5% more proficient at using longbows", it's "turn into a fucking werebear and kick some motherloving ass"!
And the charr! Come on! Massive, angry, battle-clad cats, who only live to rip your head off, suck your eyes out of their sockets, fuck your brain till it turns to pulp and take a massive shit into your skull. Why the hell would I ever want to play another orc?
Humans, well... humans are boring in every game. But at least on here they aren't balding, hammer-fisted freaks with the anatomy of an average Lego character.
Everything I hate about MMOs is somehow awesome in GW2. When I get started on GW2, I don't hunt rats for countless hours. I kill a fucking boss ten times the size of my damn screen. When one of my friends plays on a different server, I don't reroll - I invite him to my group across the server and he can just join me and play with me. When I walk into a low-level zone for the first time with a high level character, I don't have to ignore all the quests because they yield no experience or useful loot - the game will downscale my character, everything remains challenging and fun and I get proper experience and loot at my actual level. And when I outlevel all of my friends, I can still team up with them and help them on their quests for the exact same reason.
Will that help avoid incredibly stupid global chat full of utter morons? Will it prevent me from getting stuck with random brain donors in dungeon and pvp groups? Or gold spam? Or news posts about hacked accounts? Or lack of pve content once I'm level-capped? Of course not. But the amount of total bullshit, which made me hate just about every other MMO up to a point where I didn't even want to touch another one is that much smaller now.
I'm boring the crap out of everybody reading my blog with my constant, ever-repeating posts about GW2. It's just another five days until I get to play. Then I'll probably write even more enthusiastic, biased shit for a while. But hey, eventually I'll probably end up posting about how much it all sucks, how stupid I was for getting so hyped up and why you should just stay away from a game that sucks so horribly. We'll see.
-Cat
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