Lies, Rape and Dead Babies: Soap Opera Time in England

I get it. WWII wasn't cool. The war, that is. Not the Nintendo console. They keep reminding me over here, because ABSOLUTELY EVERBODY takes personal credit for how it ended. "We won!" Yes, thanks very much. You showed us, each and everyone of you, personally. And since we're being so nice and patriotic, how about all of you also take the blame for your incredibly shitty football? There, I said it. 1966 was quite a while back, you know. Not as long as 1945, of course...

But regardless how much we totally kick your ass at football and don't even give a fuck about our matches against you, because we only care about our scores against Holland, the war was bad. I get that. But you guys had your revenge by sending James Blunt and Simon Cowell into the world. We're even, okay? Seriously, just give us a break.
I thought we were cool, England. I really thought these old scores had all been settled. And now this. More fucking Coronation Street.

Your whole team is centered around one dumb, ugly, overrated ogre.

Let me try and summarize the most recent plotline on that show: Hysterical Bitch A breaks up with Moronical Pub Owner B, who can't get over the loss of his relationship and, in his frustration, shags Evil Bitch from Hell C. And knocks her up. With twins. And since Hysterical Bitch A still doesn't want him back, Moronical Pub Owner B thinks, "Meh, fuck it" (again :P) and decides to get married to Evil Bitch from Hell C.

Life could be so simple for our happy B+C couple. But then she tragically loses the babies. Lucky kids - their potential life-long suffering on Coronation Street had ended before it even began. But being the evil bitch from hell that C is, she decides to make the best of her dead babies and blames it on Bs ex: Poor A! C claims she had lost the kids, because A pushed her down some stairs. So B gets all pissed off and pulls off the whole marriage thing, just to piss A off. And then, a few minutes after (!) they're married, A presents proof that C lost her babies all by herself and nobody pushed her. So B feels like shit for marrying C instead of believing A. And C feels like shit, because B hates her for lying - along with everybody else.
A, however, is something special: For the first time in the 2 years I have lived on this island, a character on that show is actually allowed to be happy: She moves to Barbados to hook up with Random Lameass Excuse Playboy to Dissolve Stupid Plotline D and never comes back to Coronation Street. There is still no happiness on that street - leave or be miserable until you die horribly. Still... give it another week or so and they'll probably find out that her plane had been shot down by the Vietcong.

We'll miss you!

But here's the kicker: One of the characters, Serious Dude from Failed Police Show E, is a rapist. As seen in one episode, where he pushes his unwilling girlfriend against the door and after the commercial break she's alone on the floor and crying. Coming from a country that shows full nude shower gel and vaginal soap commercials in between cartoon shows for kids, that whole scene wasn't as shocking to me as it could have been, but it got the message across: E is an asshole.

They met on the internet.

And as the predictable plotline around E drags on and the whole nation wants to see him brought to justice, there's Gullible Lesbian Haircut Chick F, who doesn't believe E is a rapist and makes out with him. And every single time it happens, people are watching excitedly. "Ooooo I bet he's gonna do it today!" F is a really, really annoying character and an incredibly lousy actress. And it's just a tv show. BUT COME ON! Right now, everyone is waiting for her to get raped, because she's an annoying cow and she kinda deserves it. Wow. What the fuck?!

I love this country and all the weird people around here. I really do. And I don't wanna make fun of a nation's love for a tv show, which is full of insanely stupid people with insanely stupid problems, which they only have, because they're too fucking dumb to solve them. But sometimes, dear England, you're just a little bit creepy. And coming from a German, this is probably saying a lot...

-Cat