People are, once again, proclaiming the end of WoW - this time because of Star Wars: The old Republic. Since that's so incredibly different and innovative and totally not WoW with lightsabers and too much fucking dialogue. And I'm not revealing any secrets when I say that all critics are once again preparing to learn every single detail about the next WoW killer, hoping to crank out as many articles as possible and milk this upcoming new cash cow until its wrinkly teats will produce nothing but dust.
I'm not going to make any predictions here. Every single year, everybody is absolutely sure that some upcoming MMO is gonna be the next big thing and that nobody will play WoW anymore and two months later everyone is back in Azeroth. Well, not entirely everyone - they're down to what now, 9 million active subscribers? Yeah, I can totally see how WoW is dead.
At the end of the day, it doesn't fucking matter whether a game has 20 billion subscribers or just 5000. I have to find it enjoyable. And that's my problem with WoW right now. They have added those bouncy, swingy little playground pony rides. They stand for everything I hate about WoW and Pandaria right now. I'm a big, mean, scary warrior with flames coming out of every orifice, I have torn demons and dragons apart with my bare hands. And I'm riding a sandbox pony. "WHEEEEEE!"
Imagine you're cooking a great dinner. And to make things just a little more fun, you add a pinch of salt. And it tastes better, so you add a little more salt. And a little more. Until at some point you taste so much fucking salt, the whole damn dinner is ruined. And that's how I feel about all the "fun" and cutesie stuff on WoW. Yes, they've always had their whacky humor and yes, Warcraft 3 had fucking pandas as some kind of little side joke. But, for whatever reason, the whole experience was still immersive enough to me and still felt mature enough to not completely water down the WAR part of my warcraft experience. War isn't fun or candy-coloured. And there are no ponies.
Interestingly enough, the vast majority of my friends, who actually look forward to the silly little pandas and who get a kick out of the new Darkmoon Island and all the fun shit that goes with it, are female. The moment I moan about the upcoming expansion on Facebook, I'll get at least three fellow writers, all of them female, who will quite happily cram a whole panda up my ass for it.
My guild mates? Girls, every single one of them! Technically, you could say one of them might be male, but he's into cosplay, karaoke that whole 'some of my best friends are gay' thing. He's the biggest girl of them all.
Personally, I tend to wear my testicles with pride. They're awesome. They're what makes me ME! Erm... well, partially, I suppose. They're what made me quit WoW for nearly two months now. But now I seem to be growing an inner vagina. And it's all Bulwark of Azzinoth's fault!
That stupid ass shield has been mocking me ever since they first added it to the game!
Think about it. They put a shit ton of effort into making all the weapons look super powerful, shiny and ridiculously oversized. And then you get shields, which look like the lid of a fucking trash can. You get so many shields on WoW whose names contain "tower" or "bulwark" and they're ugly, pixellated and ridiculously tiny, unless you happen to be a male Tauren. But for some fucked up reason, shields don't scale up on male Worgen, so you'll have to look twice to even see a shield on them.
Sure, there were no Worgen back in BC and Wrath, but my point still stands. Look awesome using Titan's Grip or look dumb wielding part of a garbage can? Total no-brainer. Wrath came out and there it was again. That fucking monster of a shield, on the NPCs in Zul'Drak. The mother of all shields. The one shield that ends the world.
When you look at traditional tanks, you get skills titled shield slam and shield wall. Stuff that suggests your shield is a mighty, powerful tool, a weapon, something to save the lives of your party, something to ends the lives of your enemies. You think Bulwark of Azzinoth. Looks a bit like an industrial-size refrigerator with massive spikes coming out of it. Back then, I probably would have chosen that shield over sex. Possibly even pizza. But the level cap had just changed to 80, the shield is only level 70 and with Titan's Grip still feeling new and exciting, Mr. Fridge was something nice and spectacular to fantasize about, but not really worth the trouble.
But now they've fucking added transmogrifying. It changes everything. Visually, anyway. That epic shield, that one cool item I always wanted more than any other thing on WoW has suddenly become a valid option. Damn those bastards to hell!
Long story short, I'm tanking now. Haven't touched a shield in over two years, I've always enoyed fury more than anything and every idiot is already running around with that damn shield, anyway, but I don't care. The worst part is how tanking feels all nice, new and different now, so instead of doing something fun, something useful, I'm wasting even more time on that stupid, soon to be panda-infested game I hate so much. All for the sake of looking sexy. I'm such a girl! >.<
-Cat
Hehehe! Da soll mir noch mal einer sagen, ich wäre ein Nerd. Ich hab zwar auch einiges auf mich genommen um passende Klamotten zu finden, aber so geil auf ein einzelnes Item war ich dann doch nicht. Wobei ich Deine Gier schon verstehen kann, denn das Schild ist schon cool. :-)
AntwortenLöschen