More Dark Souls

Ten hours and 31 levels into the game I'm seriously hooked. I can't remember the last time a game has made me feel so skilled, so powerful after beating a boss monster, completing a dungeon section, uncovering a new piece of gear. At the same time, I can't remember any other modern RPG, which is so sadistic, unfair and downright humiliating at times.

A happy moment would be pulling off a maneuver like this:

He bleeds a lot, for a skeleton.

While it's certainly easier and a lot more comfortable to just raise your shield and wait behind it to deflect an enemy attack, it's that much more satisfying to parry a blow at just the right time, then one-shot the bad guy with a devastating counter-attack. It's difficult to pull off, it'll cost you a ton of health if you fuck up and it's rarely ever worth the risk unless you're really, really good at this, but it's oh so satisfying when it works. Impaling that sucker and pushing him off my blade with the heel of my plated boot sure was nice.

And then there are the dark, frustrating moments, often initiated by something freaky like this:

If it looks harmless, it can probably kill you on the spot.

Look at this bug-eyed fucker! He looks friendly, almost cartoony and perfectly harmless. He also releases a weird, grey mist with no apparent effect on your character. That is, unless you forget to move the fuck away from it or it will insta-kill you in mere seconds. No health loss, no chance to get away, you're fucking DEAD and then some. Yes, you're actually worse than dead, because you wake up cursed. Which is what happened to me. Being cursed means your health is capped at 50% of its regular capacity. Removing the curse requires you to buy an (at that point) ridiculously expensive item, which is also miles away from where you will respawn and from where you need to go in order to finish off the next boss.

When the curse hit me, I had no idea how to get rid of it and I hoped to walk it off, so I went right back into the dungeon again. And got poisoned. And we're not talking some wussy WoW-style poison, which lasts for ten seconds, turns your character all nice and green and does no real damage. That shit drains your health a LOT and it lasts FOR FUCKING EVER!
So I was cursed, poisoned and had another player joining my game without invitation. Because under certain circumstances it's possible for people to invade your game and attack you.

So I ran for my life, chased by various instakill bug things and plagued rats and an enemy player, my health capped at 50% and constantly draining from poison and my maximum amount of health potions still capped at ten. And I ran and ran and ran some more until I came to a door and bumped into this asshole:

It's not rape if you shout 'surpriiiiiise!'

This picture probably won't give you a good idea about the guy's actual size, so look at this:

Just one of those legs could feed Fred Flintstone for nearly a week.

Charming.
With my health permanently reduced to half its regular amount, every encounter became potentially deadly. Strong poison at reduced health and a ridiculously small amount of potions? Relatively certain death. Some high level asshole with no such problems running after me to kill me? Stand still for a second to catch my breath and I'm toast. And suddenly: Boss. Now combine all these problems and the game doesn't simply become insanely difficult, but fucking unfair.

The funny thing is, I took that dragon down to half health before I kicked the bucket. The enemy player got kicked from the boss battle, the poison wore off when I was down to my last two potions and then it was cursed me on low health vs some fucked up boss known as the 'Gaping Dragon'.
My death resulted in a quick Google search about curses in Dark Souls, as the game doesn't do shit to tell you how to rid yourself of those or any other afflictions. Then I had to spend a whole lot of time running all the way back to the cheapest NPC who sells the item needed to break curses as well as farming enough to afford a second one of these items, just in case. Then I had to run all the way back to where I was.

And of course the very first thing that happened when I finally made it back to the dungeons was me getting cursed again. Thank fuck I had a spare cleansing thingie. And the fucking dragon kicked my ass. Fought him like a pro when I was cursed, the next time I had ten potions and maximum health and the bastard just sat on me, taking me out in one hit. So I respawned at the beginning of the dungeons and so did every single monster along with me. Again and again.
When I finally killed that damn thing I tore my shirt off and watched as an instant layer of thick, curly hairs grew all over my chest and I opened a window and waved my cock at strangers passing by our house, for I had become more of a man than I ever had been.

I have learned how to parry enemies and one-shot them in return. I have fought my way past those cursing, bug-eyed fuckers and looted a ring that drains life from my slain enemies. I have slain the gaping fucking dragon.

Every area I've been through up to this point feels like cake now. I'm definitely feeling progress there, not only because my character and my gear are getting more powerful, but also because I'm starting to learn what I'm doing. But a whole new portion of the game awaits and it's gonna be so much harder than anything I have done thus far. I foresee a whole lot of dying. I can't wait!

-Cat