My Day Off

You may find this hard to believe, but I used to be a worthless maggot like you, having to spend my own money on video games, MMO subscriptions and premium content. Now that people are afraid I might bash their shitty games a little too hard, I have it all - money, press access and everything else I could ever dream of.

Bitches!

There's another thing I have in abundance right now: Time. I've slaved all weekend long, finished every due article, column, screenshot, video and newspost and now I can kick back and relax for a while.
Unfortunately, my favourite play mate has to work all day at the family business, so I'm all by myself.

Well, almost. I don't have to play Star Trek Online on my lonesome, because there's still our bearded dragon, Ensign Nomnom, our Bosc Monitor Dr. Hugo and my tactical officer, Commander Jiji. Together we shall travel space and go places, where no one has gone before. Well, at least not recently. Content is still a bit thin and all, you know...

Can I have a yellow shirt instead?

Captain Kitten: "Alright everyone, we're heading to Starbase 24 to fight off an invading Klingon fleet and grab all the loot before any other noobs show up! Ensing Nomnom, plot a course!"

"I'm really more of an auto pilot."

Ensign Nomnom: "Do a what now? I think I'm just gonna take a shit on the printer."
Captain Kitten: "What? Nooo! We're playing Star Trek! People don't shit, they just beam it into sp... HOLY FUCK it stinks! Stop! Abort! Evacuate!"
Ensign Nomnom: "What the hell do you think I'm doing? Oh god, two dozen locusts, I think I'm gonna explode! Aaaah!"
Captain Kitten: "Stop shitting on the god damn printer!"
Ensign Nomnom: "Fine, I'll just casually crawl away and leave a trail of crap all over the carpet."
Commander Jiji: "Are you still eating that?"
Captain Kitten: "Stop eating lizard shit! Argh! Abort mission! I need to clean this up!"

15 minutes later...

Captain Kitten: "Alright, everyone. The Borg are invading the Pi Canis sector. Ensign Nomnom, pl... you know what? Fuck it, I'm gonna do it myself."
Dr. Hugo: "This is stupid. When do we eat?"
Commander Jiji: "Yeah, when's dinner time?"
Captain Kitten: "Silence! I will not tolerate this insubordination! We can eat after the mission!"
Dr. Hugo: "Screw that, I'm just gonna eat the stupid cat! *chomps*"
Commander Jiji: "AIEEEEEE!"
Captain Kitten: "Stop eating the damn cat! Let go! ARGH! Stop tail-whipping me or you can go back in the tank!"
Commander Jiji: "I don't feel so good..."
Captain Kitten: "Nooo! Not on the carpet! Go throw up in the kitchen!"
Commander Jiji: "Ugh..."
Captain Kitten: "On the TILES, damn you! Not the kitchen rug! Stop! AAAH!"
Ensign Nomnom: "Yeah, I think I'm just gonna shit on the printer again."
Captain Kitten: "Starfleet Operations, this is Captain Kitten. Listen, about that Borg invasion, there might be a slight... NOT IN THE GOD DAMN PAPER TRAY! How can a single lizard shit so much? Fuck it..."

They really need to make this game a little more casual-friendly. Maybe I'm just gonna ask around for some extra work...

-Cat