Review: Claire 5.0

I have about 15 years of dating and relationship experience. One third of which has been spent using Claire. That alone speaks volumes about the quality of this GF operating system. So here's an honest review, based on my personal experience with Claire 5.0

I wasn't actually looking to upgrade my girlfriend OS, when an online popup from Claire's manufacturer opted me to give Claire a try. I wasn't entirely sure at first, since Claire is only available in English and all my previous GF systems came with German language recognition. Voice operation had been a bit of an issue when I first interacted with Claire, but I was very pleased with the appearance of the user interface and the overall touch-support, slide to open and instant plug & play.

Claire is compatible with most common games such as Diablo, Guild Wars 2 or Mass Effect and even supports certain console games like Smash Bros. and Soul Calibur. That said, Claire is known to be a major resource hog with certain applications such as World of Warcraft. Keep Claire away from it or the game will keep her above 90% CPU and memory usage at all times. Certain fun apps such as chocolate, Pringles and tomato.pasta 2.49b cannot be run in the same environment as Claire and will automatically be deleted by the OS.

Maintenance with Claire is so-so. The OS is scheduled to defrag your storage space once a month. It also comes with a limited laundry cleaning utility, which fails to recognize anything that isn't directly owned by the Claire. I highly advise against using the included dinner generator. The results are generally less than pleasant, which is a known problem with all English GF systems.

The developers have included a few plugins, which seem to serve no obvious purpose.

I don't know how or why it is doing this, but I'm assuming this particular plugin is a physics experiment in its early stages and has not been removed upon release.
Other features, such as facial recognition, are in an early beta stage and tend to glitch out:

Due to Claire's slim design features, the OS is only available with A-class boob storage. An upgrade to B, C or even higher boob volume is only possible through expensive 3rd party enhancements and generally discouraged by Claire and its manufacturer. On the plus side, Claire is a very light-weight OS and runs fine in any mid-range environment. Operating Claire alongside feline apps and most reptile programs should not be a problem. Most larger canine apps will cause Claire to freeze and crash.
As with all programs of this kind, Claire is not compatible with other GF systems. Multi-boot options have been discussed, however, and may be a possibility, once connectivity options between Claire and similar systems have been fully established.

Claire is by far the best GF OS I know. While the minimalist design might not appeal to everyone, most bigger systems are known to inflate over time and take up more and more space. Maintenance features may be limited, but they run reliably and don't just prompt the user with annoying, ever-repeating popups, reminding them to go and clean up after themselves. I'm particularly fond of the instant joystick support with all force-feedback features fully enabled. Previous GFs would often hesitate to fully support my Thrustmaster peripherals, which resulted in lots of frustration and eventually uninstalling the OS altogether. Using the uninstaller of my previous GF caused a whole new series of unwanted problems, from deleting half of my stuff to leaving behind a Trojan, which I can't seem to get rid of.

I'm hoping that future releases of Claire will bring updates to programs like nopants.exe to enable users to run it all year long. Noshirt.bat has already seen a similar upgrade and it's about time the rest of this plugin family follows. Customization options for less feminine deodorant and reduced fart noises are also sorely missing. Of course, I'm nit-picking here and there's always room for improvement on even the most incredible programs.

-Cat