Los Santos is My Happy Place

Most people I play GTA with can't stand to hang out on there for very long, because we've done all the heists and most of the non-pvp activities are limited to only four people. We've done everything there is to do. And for as beautiful as the place may be, it's inhabited by the worst kind of assholes. Every character in this game is horrible, all the ads on the tv, radio and billboards are way over the top and none of that shit comes even close to how despicable your fellow players are, should you be stupid enough to join a public session.

I've played GTA with Claire and her mother tonight for about four hours straight. We tried to free some NPC from a prison bus. A mission we've played countless times, but it never plays the same. The guy got hit by traffic the moment he stepped out of the bus. Then Claire got out of our car to help him up. That's when a car crashed into the bus, causing it to roll over Claire. There were moments where she hugged a live grenade until it exploded, we failed a mission three times because someone kept on destroying the objective with an RPG and at some point I parked our car on top of a tree and couldn't get it out until Claire gave us a push with another vehicle. We usually laugh so hard it becomes difficult to breathe.

Pictured: Someone.

GTA is at its best when shit goes wrong, when physics act up or the AI just breaks right in front of you. There's a mission where you have to steal an old RV from a bunch of weirdos, so the three of us got in. This is where a bunch of said weirdos start chasing after you and shoot the RV to pieces. Except that time one of the NPCs climbed in the RV and sat down next to Claire's mother like he was supposed to be there. So we drove around for a while with that guy just sitting peacefully next to her until she leaned over and casually shot him in the face. It was glorious!

Traffic? I don't see any.

We sat on the sofa in our office building and played Tron, Snake, or 'Don't Cross the Line', as GTA called it, against each other. We parked cars on my yacht via helicopter. Claire destroyed my submarine. We followed a policeman through the woods until he started shooting me for no reason. Then he called reinforcements and 32 cop cars and eight helicopters started chasing Claire's mother all over Los Santos, because witnesses are bad. Claire picked us up with her cargo chopper and saved the day. Woohoo!

Batman wishes his car could do that.

Everybody loves to dick around and blow shit up. But sometimes we just like to hang out. I don't think I've ever played a game which looked and felt as real and immersive as GTA Online. Yes, I know, most of the shops and buildings are just empty facades and you can't get inside like you could on GTA 4. There are no umbrellas. Scared NPCs "escape" from a dangerous situation by leaving their cars. It ain't perfect.

But getting in your car in 1st person, watching the lights and the traffic go by, especially at night, feels ridiculously real. Sometimes that's all we do. We get in a car together, play some cheesy 80s synth pop and drive through the night. Which is something I'd love to do for real. Just drive around town. Stop at the gas station for some snacks. Just drive nowhere in particular, because you're not tired and sitting in the car seems kind of nice and relaxing.

We're doing on there what we can't do IRL. And that doesn't always mean murdering people.

Driving around at night was always the best thing when I was a kid. My family would always fight over all sorts of pointless, stupid shit. But driving was always peaceful. Loud music. Driving nowhere in particular. Hardly any traffic, what with it being the middle of the night. Nobody was arguing. It felt safe.

I miss that. I really do. I'm not sure we'll ever be able to afford a car. Heck, I wouldn't know where to put it if we had one. But GTA satisfies that craving surprisingly well. I get these same cheesy old songs on the custom radio. The traffic. The gas stations and the snacks. And when I get bored I can always just call in a tank and blow up everything around me. But I don't always want to. Sometimes it's just fun to drive around and remember some happy, peaceful moments.