Crapocalypse

Ahh, young love! Remember those first few dates where you used to suck in your gut, hold back your farts and tried to cover up all those flaws and weaknesses which proved you're a filthy, disgusting human being like the rest of us? But if all goes well you end up moving in together, washing each other's laundry, sharing the same bathroom and not only does it become more difficult to hide all the nastiness - you probably start feeling a little more comfortable around your significant other, so you don't get embarrassed as much. Like those mornings where you oversleep, you both need to get ready for work ASAP and one of you takes a piss in the bath tub while the toilet is occupied in order to save time.

Some girls have developed some amazing talents that way. (Raven's Cry screenshot)

This is also usually the time where you find out whether or not you're gonna make it as a couple for the long haul. It's easy to find somebody attractive if they get a lot of time to dress up and apply several layers of war-paint and deodorant before you get to see them. Things can get a little more challenging once you realize that your significant other occasionally converts plant and animal matter to poop.

Claire and I are pretty cool about bodily stuff in our relationship. Being raised by ex hippies, nudity has never been a big deal to me, anyway, and we hang around the bathroom at the same time a lot without drama. Showering together is fun and saves time and if one of us needs to go pee while the other one is brushing their teeth, go right ahead. We're just not big on having an audience whilst taking a dump, because ew. We talk about it (jokingly), because it's fun to freak people out with it and maybe we've reached a point in our relationship where it's no longer weird (enough) to ask, "Did you have a good shit?" Just don't watch me while I'm doing it.

And then there's that point where you've seen so much disgusting stuff that if you're still in love, you know nothing's gonna break you up from there on out. I think I had that point last week when our shitter was clogged.
We're seriously crazy about harmony, up to a point where our innards seem to synchronize in some weird way. Or maybe it was just coincidence, but the other night we both needed the bathroom at the same time and I let Claire go first, because that's just how nice I am.
But how did she thank me for my kindness? By blocking the crapper!

She spent the rest of the night trying to fix the problem with chemical drain cleaner, a plunger, the brush and a coathanger while I started to worry about having to take a shit in the litterbox - though the cats were probably more worried about that than I was. And I was stupid enough to walk in there to see how bad it really was. For my own sanity I pretended that she was up to her elbow in a huge bowl of chunky Guinness. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not making fun here and this can happen to anyone - in fact, it happens so much, apparently some people fix that sort of problem for a living. And she saved us a lot of money by fixing the problem, herself, so that's commendable and pretty impressive. And I don't know about you, but frankly, calling and paying a stranger to have him shove your shit through a clogged pipe or however plumbing works doesn't sound like the much more attractive option.

It was a night both of us would really like to forget about. It wasn't pretty. But we still sleep in the same bed together. And you wouldn't believe how much you can learn to appreciate being able to flush your damn crapper. Mild bondage and a bit of spanking? Ask Mister Grey how sexy he's gonna find you after one of you breaks the shitter with a turd the size of a human baby.

-Cat