FU MMOs, hello co-op!

The more time I spend playing MMOs, the more I'm starting to realize how much I don't actually like MMOs. My biggest problem with these games is how they're all designed to have you compete against and/or team up with people. And people are scum.
They're one of the reasons why I can't enjoy Neverwinter for more than the occasional short session here and there. People are hacking, cheating and exploiting to an extent, where the guys running the game seem powerless to do anything about it. The other day the auction house was flooded with stacks of 99 rare enchantments, which have all been duped. Instructions on how to duplicate items exploiting the mail system and the auction house are all over the 'net, along with downloads and instructions to farm bots and what have you.
It's the kind of shit you have to expect when real money buys everything in a game. Not so much for the sake of having the most powerful and precious items, but mostly because it also works the other way 'round: Virtual goods generate real money. It's shit like that, which has been causing so much trouble with Diablo 3 and its real money auction house and now the same shit is happening all over Neverwinter, again and again.
In all fairness, this is a problem which most individual players, myself included, could probably ignore. It doesn't immediately affect me or my gaming experience. But when I see assholes generating an infinite amount of items that morons like me have to quest, farm and kill for, I'm out.

I had similar unpleasant experiences with the Final Fantasy relaunch beta, where my dungeon party chose to let me die (as their tank!) when I did not immediately know how to defeat a boss, which everbody else in the group had already fought before. Apparently, not killing his minions was part of the strategy, which nobody had bothered to tell me before the fight, so when I started going after them for the sake of keeping the group out of harm's way, they ceased all healing to stop me from screwing up. Because that's quicker and easier than actual communication.
And that's a big problem right there, because group content in Final Fantasy is mandatory if you want to complete the game's storyline. Most other online games allow me to level up and experience my story all by myself, if I so desire. This one does not. Again, this isn't a problem to most people and the biggest part of the community is friendly and helpful, but there is still massive potential for complete strangers to ruin my gaming experience, which is something I simply can't be arsed to put up with.

I do make exceptions when I get to shoot people, of course. Seriously, go play Renaissance Heroes.

Because I enjoy bragging so much more than showing actual gameplay.

I like to play games with Claire. You know, cooperatively, because everything else leads to arguments and lack of sex. And my desire for jolly cooperation leads me to games that people, who wouldn't actually suck at my job, already knew about at least a year ago. You know, like Dark Souls. Or our latest addiction, Saints Row The Third.

Saints Row is something I used to ignore, because it all started out as a console game and I considered it little more than a GTA clone. And I don't care about GTA. Gasp! Blasphemy! It's not even that I "don't care", because everybody else seems to care, so I must not care for the sake of being special or some shit. It's because I only enjoy GTA when I get to dick around and sadly, that's not how it's meant to be played. You know, steal a car, run over random people, take their money, wait for the ambulance, steal their car, run over the ambulance, take their money, you get the idea. That's fun. For a day or two. But the moment I'm supposed to maneuver RC helicopters or some other gimmicky shit in order to beat a mission, I lose interest.

What I did not know until recently is how Saints Row, at least in its third instalment, is all about dicking around. Yes, it also has helicopters and gadgets and shit, but most of the time that stuff only encourages you to dick around even more. Remote control a car and ram a gas station! Run into passing cars and get hurt as badly as possible for insurance money! You know, fuck up, but be good at fucking up and be rewarded. What an interesting concept. What could be better than teaming up with Burt Reynolds to beat a horde of zombies into next week with a giant purple dildo? Teaming up with Burt Reynolds and a friend to beat a horde of zombies into next week with a giant purple dildo! Among other things. This is us playing together:

Another fun thing for those coop-cravings is Super Mario Bros. X:

One interesting thing about this game, which is not shown in the video is how Link is one of the playable characters. Sword and everything. Weird stuff. But very fun.

What's more interesting about successful cooperative gaming sessions is their positive effect on sex. "I love how you blew up that orphanage with your rocket launcher. Allow me to show my appreciation by making love to your face!" I have bloody scratches on parts of my body, which most among you don't care to hear and others secretly fantasize about. I'm not even kidding. We're like a lame, nerdy version of the Natural Born Killers, where all the killing is virtual, but at least we don't just "cyber" afterwards. Hm.

Also, work. Lots of it. Which is good. Lots of money. For whenever that gets here. I wish all of my customers were as reliable as I am. Maybe I should set deadlines for them, as well. You want an article within 48 hours? Righto! Just make sure to pay up within 48 hours as well! Ha! If only...

-Cat